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Asking Someone Out

Updated: Oct 17, 2023

Q: How do I ask someone out?

A: Get to know the person first. Take the time and effort to learn about the other person - and give them a chance to learn something about you. Talk in class (but not during class), sit together at lunch, and hang out in the same groups. See if you have things in common and enjoy each other's company.

Here are seven tips to asking someone out for the first time:

  1. Ask early: Give the person advance notice. At least 3-4 days. Last-minute invitations are likely to be rejected. Either the person has plans or assumes you are asking them because someone else bailed. An exception to this rule: if you just found out about an opportunity.

  2. Choose the right moment: You don't want to pop the question when the person is upset, distracted, surrounded by people, or in a rush. Wait for a calm, private moment.

  3. Do the asking yourself: Do not ask your friends to do your dirty work for you. Ask face-to-face, text-to-text, phone-to-phone, or in writing.

  4. Go slowly: Plan something low-key and informal. Your comfort and friendship will grow, and you'll know when to ask for a more serious or romantic date.

  5. Be specific: Do not say, "Wanna go out sometime?" Instead, ask your date to a specific event or location on a specific day of the week. For example, "Would you like to see the new Brad Pitt movie with me on Friday night?" Once you've issued the invitation, you can provide further details on the required time, place, transportation, special clothing, or equipment.

  6. Be positive: Negative invitations plant the seed of rejection in mind. Don't say, "You wouldn't wanna go to the movies with me, would you?" (No, I wouldn't). Remember, an invitation from you is a compliment. It says my wonderful self, and I desire your company. Let that be your message. If you get turned down, at least you gave it your best shot.

  7. Be upfront about money: If you're doing the inviting, you can signal your intentions with keywords such as: "My treat." or "Would you be my guest for..." or "I'd love to take you to..." If you don't have the money to pay for both of you, you can mention that you'll have to share the cost. Or you might say, "I can cover the cost of the tickets if you can cover the food."


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