Encouraging Confident Small Gestures: Handshakes, Eye Contact, and Posture
- Poised & Proper
- Mar 31
- 5 min read
They say, “It’s the little things that count,” and when it comes to confidence, this couldn’t be more true. While people often focus on grand displays of confidence — like giving a big speech or acing a presentation — the small, everyday gestures are just as impactful.
Your handshake, eye contact, and posture might seem minor, but they send powerful signals about who you are and how you carry yourself. The best part? These are all things you can control and improve.
In this blog, we’ll explore how to master these three key gestures — handshakes, eye contact, and posture — so you can walk into any room feeling cool, calm, and in control. Whether you’re attending a job interview, meeting new people, or walking into a social event, these skills will set you apart as polished, self-assured, and unforgettable.
1. The Handshake: A Small Gesture with a Big Impact
The handshake has been around for centuries as a universal sign of greeting, trust, and respect. But not all handshakes are created equal. A limp handshake can make you seem unsure, while a bone-crushing grip can feel aggressive. The goal is to strike the perfect balance — firm, but not forceful.
How to Perfect Your Handshake
Use the Right Hand: It may seem obvious, but always use your right hand unless someone cannot use theirs. Extend it fully (don’t offer just your fingers) and aim for the web of your hand to connect with theirs.
Make it Firm, Not Crushing: Grip their hand firmly but avoid the “death grip.” No one likes feeling like their hand just got caught in a vice. You’re aiming for confident, not overpowering.
Two to Three Shakes (That’s It!): Shake up and down 2-3 times and then release. Holding on too long can get awkward, fast.
Make Eye Contact While Shaking: Eye contact and a handshake go hand in hand. If you avoid eye contact, the handshake loses its strength.
Add a Friendly Smile: Confidence isn’t just about control — it’s also about warmth. A smile makes the interaction feel genuine and welcoming.
What to Avoid:
The Limp Hand (a.k.a. the "Dead Fish" Handshake): This makes you seem unsure or disinterested.
Over-Pumping (aka Too Many Shakes): Shake 2-3 times, not 8 or 9. It shouldn’t feel like you're churning butter.
The Bone-Crusher: No one wants to feel like they just lost a thumb.
Pro Tip: Practice with a friend or family member. Ask them to rate your handshake on firmness, length, and overall feel.
2. Eye Contact: The Silent Language of Confidence
They say the eyes are the window to the soul, but in terms of confidence, they’re more like a billboard. Good eye contact shows that you’re engaged, attentive, and self-assured. Too little eye contact makes you seem disinterested, while too much can feel intense or intimidating.
How to Improve Your Eye Contact
The 50/70 Rule: During one-on-one conversations, maintain eye contact about 50% of the time while speaking and 70% of the time while listening. It shows that you’re paying attention but not staring them down.
Don’t Stare — Look Away Naturally: When you’re not making direct eye contact, look at neutral areas like their nose or the space between their eyes. Don’t scan the room as if you’re looking for an escape.
Practice the “Look, Look Away” Technique: It’s okay to glance away during conversations, but make sure it looks natural. Look away for a second or two, then return your gaze.
Use the Triangle Trick: If you’re nervous about direct eye contact, try this trick: imagine a triangle on their face (their two eyes and the tip of their nose). Shift your gaze between those three points. It keeps you looking engaged without feeling awkward.
Look With Purpose: Think of eye contact as an active way to connect. You’re not just “looking” at them — you’re telling them, “I’m present, I’m listening, and I value this interaction.”
What to Avoid:
Avoid "Eye-Darting": Looking around the room, glancing at your phone, or constantly looking at your surroundings shows a lack of focus.
Don’t Stare Too Hard: It’s okay to look away occasionally. Holding eye contact for too long can feel uncomfortable.
Don’t Look at the Ground: Looking down makes you appear unsure or nervous.
Pro Tip: If direct eye contact makes you feel anxious, practice on Zoom or video calls. The screen provides a bit of distance, which can make it easier to maintain eye contact.
3. Posture: Confidence from Head to Toe
They say to "stand tall," but what does that really mean? Posture isn’t just about how you stand — it’s about how you present yourself to the world. Good posture signals confidence, competence, and self-assurance.
How to Improve Your Posture
Stand Tall, Feet Firmly Planted: Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart and your weight evenly distributed. Avoid "leaning" on one hip, as it can make you look off-balance.
Keep Your Shoulders Back and Down: Roll your shoulders back and down, as if you’re tucking your shoulder blades into your back pockets. It’s a simple move that instantly makes you look taller and more poised.
Don’t Jut Your Head Forward: Picture a string attached to the crown of your head, pulling it upward. Avoid craning your neck forward, which can make you look timid or unsure.
Engage Your Core: Your core (abs, lower back) supports your entire posture. Slightly engage your core muscles to keep your torso upright and strong.
Use Open Body Language: Avoid crossing your arms or hiding your hands in your pockets. Open posture = open personality. Keep your arms relaxed at your sides or gesture naturally as you speak.
What to Avoid:
The "Text Neck" Slouch: Looking down at your phone too often can weaken your neck muscles, causing a hunched posture.
Hunching Shoulders: Slouching can make you seem unsure or withdrawn.
Hands in Pockets: This makes you look closed off or nervous.
Pro Tip: If you struggle with posture, practice wall stands. Stand with your back against a wall, making sure your head, shoulders, and heels all touch the wall. Hold for 30 seconds to “reset” your posture.
Why These Small Gestures Matter
Individually, these gestures — handshakes, eye contact, and posture — may seem small. But combined, they send a clear message: “I’m confident, prepared, and ready for anything.”
Here’s why they matter:
First Impressions Last: People form opinions of you in 7 seconds. Your posture, handshake, and eye contact all play into that.
They Signal Respect: Good eye contact and a solid handshake show others that you’re fully present in the conversation.
They Build Trust: When people see you carrying yourself with poise, they’re more likely to trust you.
Final Thoughts
Confidence isn’t about being the loudest person in the room. It’s about how you carry yourself in small, subtle ways — a firm handshake, steady eye contact, and upright posture. Master these three gestures and you’ll walk into any room with the presence of a leader.
Here’s a quick recap of what we covered:
Handshakes: Firm, but not too firm, with eye contact and a smile.
Eye Contact: Use the 50/70 rule, avoid darting eyes, and look with intention.
Posture: Stand tall, keep your shoulders back, and avoid crossing your arms.
Ready to take your confidence to the next level? Check out our classes on posture, social skills, and personal presence at Poised & Proper. From mastering your handshake to walking with poise, we’ll help you become the most polished version of yourself. Book your spot today! 💪✨
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